I’m still trying to decide what to begin with. The book cover seems to be the best starting point so far (I know there are different editions, but hear me out).
A miniature girl gazing at a miniature mountain backdrop plastered over a huge pencil (if education as the main theme wasn’t obvious already). But in all seriousness, the cover design grew on me immediately after I shyly entered Tara Westover’s small world in Buck’s Peak, Idaho. Given the drawing style, at times the recollected memories would become part of this elaborate graphic novel in my head, with main scenes brought to life through expressive looks and speech bubbles containing the crucial jerking replies. In retrospect, I think I have automatically chosen to disguise Tara’s life events in a friendlier comic-like manner, as a superhero’s evolution in a cramped space, with cliffhangers and few moments to breathe. Surely, not all graphic novels have only pretty images to share, so my mind was still quick enough to equally illustrate the author’s successful and painful moments in (perhaps) way too much detail. For those who need the bigger, clearer picture, Tara Westover was born in a Mormon, survivalist family. Her father’s extreme views and unconventional – also highly questionable – practices and restrictions (no access to public education, hospitals or any other institution linked to the government) affected Tara’s development towards her teenage years. She is both physically assaulted and emotionally abused by most of her family members, three of them being the most frightening – for different reasons: the father tries to steer away from brainwashing contexts (ironically, with his own brainwashed attitude), the mother eventually turns a blind eye to plenty of ongoing issues and one of Tara’s older brothers displays terrifying mood switches.
From what I have seen at other opinions, I can tell I am not the only one struck by how improbable some of Tara’s hardships tend to appear. I am not claiming any of her struggles are invented, it’s just me not being familiar enough with such strict lifestyles. If “seemingly improbable” does not suit anyone, then the author’s situations can be described as simply “shocking”. I have come across plenty who wanted to magically intervene and help her. I had the same impulse occasionally, especially when there was too much to bear. However, I was mostly left with mental blockages (which have become increasingly frequent in the past year, truth be told), on the verge of closing the book and crossing my room thousands of times, for the sake of loosening up. Besides interventions, people have also pointed out how inspirational the memoir has turned out to be for them. This is where I come to a halt because Educated, at the time being, has only brought forward numerous questions and uncertainties. Maybe I was actually supposed to be “inspired” to ponder on certain aspects even more, before actually doing something. So, after we glance at the book cover, how should we (re)approach Tara’s story? I’m aware there’s no right way and everyone has specific reading processes. I can only stop over what’s caught my attention and, hopefully, make some of you (re)consider other ideas, as well.
The image created in the very first chapter of the memoir is meant to be remembered till the end. No one must forget where Tara comes from (and where we all return to once in a while): the symbolic cycle. Years do pass by, with seasons coming and going, and there’s the inevitable risk of feeling as if we are part of something repetitive. Some of us detest routines, others prefer to linger around in that “zone” before accepting a big change. As I’m writing, I can picture the pencil from the cover being placed in a sharpener. There can be two types of sharpeners (hand-operated, mind you): one which requires you to rotate the pencil and another which has the crank and leaves the pencil static. It’s the old-fashioned way and, whatever we choose, Tara is indeed stuck in an apparently changing environment:
“I had been educated in the rhythms of the mountain, rhythms in which change was never fundamental, only cyclical. The same sun appeared each morning, swept over the valley and dropped behind the peak. The snows that fell in winter always melted in the spring. Our lives were a cycle – the cycle of the day, the cycle of the seasons – circles of perpetual change that, when complete, meant nothing had changed at all. I believed my family was a part of this immortal pattern, that we were, in some sense, eternal. But eternity belonged only to the mountain.” (page XII, Prologue)
Cyclicity. We have a place where the school bus never stops, a father prepares his family for the end of the world and a mother obediently follows the path of the illegal (but diligent) midwife, toiling with herbs, “God’s pharmacy” if you will. Some of their children don’t have birth certificates, medical records are mainly non-existent and the notion of homeschooling is brought up now and then, but never properly put into practice. Beauty lies within Tara’s surprising decision to go to university (at an early age). Amazement is to be found in her dedication to teach herself and pass an important exam for starters. These steps are close to shattering the grounds of Buck’s Peak, alarming Tara’s family – we may say the pencil has been switched to a slightly shaking electric sharpener, but that may already be a bit of a stretch.
Choice. And Change. And it is a continuing “dance” between them two, until the next possible cycle – for recharging your batteries, so to speak. But it all comes down to that one choice which changes our trajectory when needed. At this stage, my questions pour in, some of them stemming from a religious area. Does God choose the path directly or are you constantly guided through small signs? Are there really multiple choices or do these signs lead you on pre-established journey? How much control do you have? As a follow-up, there are also questions regarding one’s background as a child. How much does the family (and the school) affect its children? If the impact is significant, how can one change? Is it a matter of having a sudden burning desire to shift your mentality? I find this at the core of Educated. Tara Westover does not stop at sharing her experience as a student, unintentionally ignorant in an initial stage. As most of us should understand by now, education easily extends outside any official institution. There is a powerful contrast in the memoir: as Tara learns about the world’s notable events, she gradually gets to comprehend bits and pieces of her own past. Explanations are found, some actions are partially justified, but we are not driven away from the author’s natural doubts and concerning fights. In-between the lines, we can sense rage, but from a larger perspective, we only witness a chain of victims, chillingly capable of denying facts on the spot. But also able to think outside the box in an… outstanding way?
“I scribbled the problem on a fresh sheet of paper. (…) I slid the paper over the blueprints. ‘Dad, can you solve this?’
He looked at me harshly, then his eyes softened. He rotated the paper, gazed at it for a moment, and began to scrawl, numbers and circles and great, arcing lines that doubled back on themselves. His solution didn’t look like anything in my textbook. It didn’t look like anything I had ever seen. His mustache twitched; he mumbled. Then he stopped scribbling, looked up and gave the correct answer.
I asked how he’d solved it. ‘I don’t know how to solve it,’ he said, handling me the paper. ‘All I know is, that’s the answer.’
I walked back to the kitchen, comparing the clean, balanced equation to the mayhem of unfinished computations and dizzying sketches. I was struck by the strangeness of that page: Dad could command this science, could decipher its language, decrypt its logic, could bend and twist and squeeze from it the truth. But as it passed through him, it turned to chaos.” (126)
Interestingly enough, Tara proves to be more sensible than many people who stepped into a classroom earlier on. This raises questions about today’s educational institutions (not exactly the type of questions which would arise from Tara’s father). Are all teachers doing their job of sharing their knowledge? Is each one of us able to pinpoint at least one inspiring teacher, someone who has naturally become our role model? Is our educational path more like a façade? Be careful not to quickly jump at conclusions, Tara by no means discourages us to dismiss higher education. On the contrary. But this implies extra effort from ourselves, the consciousness that we always have a choice to make, really. It would be great if there were no financial burdens or emotional distractions (Westover touches upon those) – and with the current pandemic, quite right, our morale may be lower than ever. This may be one of the reasons I don’t necessarily find Educated fully motivational, urging me to act instantly. At the moment, there is only room for sorting out thoughts.
Tara learns how to think for herself while discovering what others have thought before her. She is not limited to a single imposing viewpoint. Putting the anger and shock aside (from both Tara and her readers), there is a subtle encouragement towards self-care. Taking care of your mind, learning to speak up, to face the truth, not to feed yourself with delusions. This does take education, access to it, a gateway to purpose. Out of all the paragraphs that can be quoted, I’m going to pick my favorite one, which (I think) showcases Tara’s power the best – and works as this small dose of something which comes close to inspiration:
“ ‘I’ve roofed my share of hay sheds,’ I said finally. (…) ‘I can stand in this wind, because I’m not trying to stand in it,’ I said. ‘The wind is just wind. You could withstand these gusts on the ground, so you can withstand them in the air. There is no difference. Except the difference you make in your mind.’ (…) ‘You are all trying to compensate, to get your bodies lower because the height scares you. But the crouching and the sidestepping are not natural. You’ve made yourselves vulnerable. If you could just control your panic, this wind would be nothing.’ ” (237)
I wish to return to this book in a couple of years. When hopefully there is no pandemic or something huge floating around like, paradoxically, a heavy burden. When some further lessons are learned, some questions are answered and the outlook is more mature. There is a need to gain some experience. Tara may have taken her own massive burden off her chest. In addition, she also may have wanted to reach as many people as possible, and have them come back to her revelations from time to time. It does help to know you are not completely alone and some bits of your life resemble others’. Inner peace and stability are worth fighting for in the cycle of choice and change… until the pencil falls off the desk. But even then there may be something or someone lifting you up. But you do get the point. Alright, I’ll stop.
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