(story awarded 1st prize in the Creative Writing Competition, Mad Hatter, organised by the Neuroteen Online Magazine)
“How long till teatime?”
An unusual group of four friends sat at an unusually large table, chatting about unusual topics and laughing at unusual jokes. What an unusual time it was!
“Oh, Cheshire, you mutt… It’s always teatime here, you know that!” the dormouse, also known as Mallymkun, said, slowly shaking her head.
“Of course I know, I’m just teasing you. And I also know that I’m a cat, not a mutt!” Chess continued, showing off his large toothy smile.
“Mutt as incompetent, not as an animal, you stupid dog!” Mallymkun shouted, losing her temper.
Chess opened his mouth to protest once again, but he was immediately attacked by a flying spoon.
“Aye, and you’re always late, you wee puss!” the March Hare, or for short, Thackery, joined the discussion. He was an expert in throwing things around him uncontrollably, while he was trying to prepare the perfect peanut butter and jam sandwich.
“You know, I’ve always asked myself how soon is soon. Is it now, is it later, is it never? I just can’t find the answer. Or maybe I can’t find the time to find the answer. Funny, isn’t it?” Mallymkun said, staring aimlessly.
“I find something else funnier. Time is flying and yet, we are always in the same damn place. Only the wee puss can come and leave at any time. Pass the scones, eh, will ye?” Thackery added spilling hot tea and dropping freshly made cupcakes.
“It seems like time is on my side. And for your information, I’m always right on time.” Chess purred, flying elegantly above his friends and stealing a cup of tea.
Although Thackery and Mallymkun were all over the place, being noisier than ever, it was still unusually quiet. Chess was the first one to notice that the atmosphere wasn’t mad enough.
“Now what is the matter with the hatter?” he asked, pointing towards Mad Hatter (the maddest of them all).
Hatter was sitting at the top of the table, fidgeting with one of his thimbles and muttering nonsense. When he heard the others calling him, he stood up and looked around, putting on a serious face. But he soon burst out laughing after seeing his friends’ startled faces.
“Oh, well, he’s back to being mad.” Thackery said and started his own maniac laugh.
“No, it’s about time we got more serious!” Hatter shouted, hitting the table with his fist and making the teacups clatter. “Your talk about time made me think about this time loop we got ourselves in.”
“Since when do you think? You never think!” came the stupendous answer from Mallymkun.
“No time for thinking! It’s easy as breezy to realize how boring teatime has become. What’s the point in drinking tea and eating scones all over again? I don’t know about you, but I’m leaving right now!” Hatter’s words brought up three loud gasps. Was it possible to leave a time loop? If so, where could he go?
“Hatter… You’re mad.” Chess said, exchanging worried glances with the others.
“I know I am, thank you very much.” Hatter answered.
“No, really, you’re beyond mad. You’ve never had problems with teatime. You’ve never thought of what it would be like out… there.” Chess continued, pointing straight ahead.
Hatter shook his head. “Remember Time’s words? You do? I don’t… Oh, wait, he said something about that wee little boy… Mmm-Alice?”
“Malice? Who are you trying to harm?” Mallymkun asked suspiciously.
“Alice, Alice, that dear boy… He’ll never come… It’s a waste of time…”
And so, the conversation went to a dead end. The three creatures tried to stop their mad companion from leaving, but there was no luck around the clock. The clock didn’t tick, everyone hoped it was a trick, but Hatter was slick, walking with no head flick. He took something from the table with no time to think and well, well, what a great pick: a cup of tea.
“Fairfarren, all!” Hatter said and kept walking until he was surrounded by stripes of colors, which came at him out of nowhere and teleported him in the unknown. An ear-splitting noise made Chess, Mallymkun and Thackery shout with desperation. But for Hatter, that trip happened to be just a quick flick through the pages of the book, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. “Well, that’s curious. Is this Alice too busy to visit us? I bet a hat he has all the time in the world.” Hatter thought to himself, clicking his tongue in dismay.
There was a cold musty smell in the new place he had arrived. When Hatter opened his eyes, he noticed that he was in a rather peculiar living room, as the furniture was mainly made up of huge insects. The cockroach-sofa and the beetle-wardrobe were by far the most eye-catching objects in the room. The strings of spider web, which hang from the ceiling, made Hatter’s jaw drop. “Itsy bitsy, incy wincy spider… Itsy incy, bitsy wincy…” Hatter slowly sang to himself. He tiptoed towards the door, but the floor kept creaking under his feet. He gently turned the knob and was surprised to hear some voices coming from another room. At first he couldn’t make out how many people were talking. It was even harder to find out what their topic was about:
“If you want to stay, there’s only one little thing we’ll have to do... so you can stay here forever and always.”
“And then we’ll all be together as one big happy family. Forever and always.”
The following long pause made Hatter feel tense. Suddenly a horrified scream broke the deadly silence. The approaching footsteps made Hatter step aside from the door. He leaned himself against the wall and waited for the unexpected. A girl with short blue hair entered the room and shut the door behind her. “This didn’t have to happen. This didn’t have to happen. It’s impossible. No, no, no. Didn’t have to happen!” she told herself, running around the room with tears rolling down her cheeks. After the tantrum had ended, the girl finally noticed the unwelcome character. She stared at Hatter with huge eyes and slowly lifted her index finger, pointing at him and whispering: “You… You…”
Hatter could only give her a mad smile… and put on an epic show. After all, he needed to find a new place to live in and that story already seemed perfect enough for him.
“Yes, me, I must say I’ve appeared out of the blue. I also happen to see blue-haired girls like you once in a blue moon. You must be Coraline. I’ve heard about you. Now tell me, why are you feeling blue?”
The girl managed to spit out the following words as if they were venom: “This is all your fault! It’s the end of the world for me!”
“On the contrary, it’s only the beginning! I’ve just arrived here, thus fun will start soon.”
“No, don’t you understand? Your very own arrival has mixed up the whole story! I was in a time loop!”
“What a coincidence, I am coming from a time loop myself!” Hatter exclaimed, but Coraline just ignored him.
“I came here, to my ‘other’ mother and father, only for the sweet pleasure of having more understanding parents. My real ones never buy me whatever I want, they don’t listen to me, they prepare disgusting meals… But here… I’ve had everything. Beautiful clothes, heavenly-made food, infinite fun… I knew my ‘other’ parents had a dark side, but that didn’t stop me from coming to them. Because I had this time loop, which protected me from the moment I had always dreaded. But now the moment is here, it’s happening and I don’t know what to do!”
“Other parents, you say? I wonder what it would be like if there was another version of myself. How would I look? How would I talk? Would I still drink tea?”
“Here I am, one step closer to death and you’re talking about tea!” Coraline shouted with exasperation.
“It all starts with tea…” Hatter replied dreamily.
“Of course tea starts with T! Enough with this gibberish talk!”
“Are you still called Coraline in the other world? Or is it Caroline?”
The conversation couldn’t go any further as a vicious creature entered the room. It was Coraline’s other mother, but in the form of a spider. Her long, spiky legs went tip-tap on the wooden floor and her cruel smirk made one’s heart beat faster than ever.
“Coraline, Coraline… Why won’t you let me sew these buttons on your eyes?” she asked, swinging her needle and thread gently, as if she wanted to hypnotize the girl.
“I beg your pardon, but why sew buttons over your eyes when you can cover your head with a special hat? For instance, you have a regrettably small head, but I would very much like to hat it. Spiders tend to be rather fashionable.” Hatter said, approaching the other mother, already thinking what type of hat would best suit her.
“I’ve always thought what it would be like to have more than just one… victim. You two can be my little ‘dolls’ forever…” the spider continued, moving towards Hatter.
“Well, that’s really funny, because forever can sometimes last only one second.” Hatter replied with a merry tone.
Just after a second, the whole world stopped dead. It was only a matter of time until the house began to detach itself into countless parts. Hatter knew that the story was coming to an end, so he made his way out of it, thinking about whether Coraline and the other mother would eventually go on a never-ending chase…
As his mind filled up with curious thoughts, Hatter found himself falling down through a dark tunnel, towards another story… Perhaps another time loop? Although there was no one else with him, Hatter kept hearing soothing whispers, which said Potter all over again. “Could it really be a potter? Who makes pots? Hats and pots, pots and hats, I dare say it’s a brilliant combination!”
Hatter was soon surrounded by a lot of young students, some running in all directions, others braver enough to fight against their enemy. Hatter didn’t know who the villain was, but he was not even interested in finding out. What caught his attention were the students’ wands and their unintelligible incantations. For no reason whatsoever, Hatter only wanted to do a little dance in the middle of the battle and shout, “Oh, what fun, oh, what joy”. He would have done that if he hadn’t been put down by a wicked spell. He looked around and saw a boy and a girl, who gave him long angry glances.
“I’m positively sure that he’s the one who broke the time loop. He must be one of Lord Voldemort’s Death Eaters…” said the intelligent girl, commonly known as Hermione Granger.
“Wearing colorful clothes… It’s just the perfect disguise! What makes me even angrier is that he has more style than I do. Just look at his jacket, or his hat! Mom would never buy me one like his!” protested the boy, who answered to the name of Ron Weasley.
“Goodness me, you two seem to be just the right people to answer the following question: why is a raven like a writing desk?” Hatter replied, standing up and opening his arms as to hug the children.
“Stay away! There’s no need to pretend that you’re somebody else. We already know who you truly are and we demand some explanations. I suppose you are aware of what you did. You destroyed the time loop and brought war to Hogwarts. Everything will be destroyed and who knows what might happen to poor Harry… He was totally not prepared for this battle!” Hermione continued, trying not to burst into tears.
“My lady, the battle can wait and we could all have a cup of tea. And here’s a tip, be much braver, be much stronger! Try to be much more muchier. Or have you lost your muchness?”
Hatter’s piece of advice clearly didn’t have a good response. Hermione and Ron looked at each other uneasily. All they could think of was what they should do with that mysterious Death Eater…
“When I arrived here, I hoped I would meet the potter boy. My hats would perfectly match his pots. Could you be so kind and tell me where he is? Our business would surely be a huge success and you could be our first customers. Isn’t this exciting?”
“What is the matter with you? Stop with this madness! And make sure you stay away from Harry!” Ron shouted, stomping his foot and showing off his punch so as to scare Hatter.
“I’m already far away, so I can’t be ‘farer’… And I myself don’t know what is the hatter with me, but one thing I’m sure of is that you’re as sane as I am. And that makes me oh, so glad and oh, so mad!”
Hatter’s joyful speech was suddenly interrupted by a series of high-pitched screams and some disturbing hissing sounds. The students all made way for Harry and Lord Voldemort, who were constantly attacking each other with a variety of powerful spells. Hatter couldn’t help, but snigger. The potter boy was covered in blood and sweat, his torn clothes looked shabby on him and he was huffing and puffing, clearly having no time for laughing. As for the other wizard, Hatter thought he would look much scarier if he had a proper nose. His loud giggles distracted Lord Voldemort, who immediately turned his head towards the “intruder”.
“Can someone get this lunatic out of here? I’m getting closer to victory and I need to fully concentrate on my dearest boy, Harry Potter.”
“Excuse me, I don’t wish to alarm you, but it smells as though you’ve dropped your nose somewhere.” Hatter declared. The whole room roared with laughter at his silly joke.
“Such behavior only deserves certain death.” Lord Voldemort continued, lifting his right hand in order to cast the daunting spell.
“Of course, of course, right away, but first I would like to invite you to a little dance. What is a war without a nice festivity? You and I shall Futterwacken… vigorously!”
The following moment, all the witches and wizards started Hatter’s insane dance and couldn’t control their movements, as if they were under his spell. It was a hilarious sight: legs tapping the floor, hands trembling wildly and detached heads spinning uncontrollably above the bodies. Nobody expected the vicious battle to turn into a spot-on comedy show…
After a while, Hatter got bored of watching the repeated dancing moves, so he dashed out of the grand school of witchcraft and wizardry and got himself into another tunnel. He actually enjoyed going from a time loop to another and bring his madness in the stories.
It was raining. Heavy raindrops poured over Hatter’s face and a soft wind blew in his messed-up hair. Hatter was quite pleased with the weather and he started skipping on the wet slippery grass, heading towards the curious house in front of him, which was all lighted up. He barely noticed the airplanes flying above him. He only stopped dead in his tracks when a bomb fell out of an airplane and landed on the house. The big explosion was soon followed by some distant screams. Hatter began to run aimlessly and came across a group of small children, who severely bumped into him. They all wore oxygen masks, making their screams sound slightly muffled. Hatter found their alien-like appearance amusing, so he kept laughing until two other characters appeared.
“Miss Peregrine,” said the voice of a young boy, “what happened? You said you had been in this time loop for years! Why did it stop?”
“I don’t know, Jake. Time loops usually end when a new character appears from another story. But such occasions happen rarely…” the so-called Miss Peregrine answered, breathing heavily. As soon as she spotted Hatter, she took off her oxygen mask, revealing a stupefied expression. “You’re not from around here…” whispered the woman.
“No, I’m not, and I must thank you for the way you greeted me. That explosion was simply delightful, just like a firework show. Hats off!” Hatter replied, bowing down.
For a few moments, nothing could be heard except for the raindrops that were hitting the ground. Some were rolling down Miss Peregrine’s cheeks and could easily be mistaken with her tears. “You don’t realize the danger you put us into, do you? These poor children have no place to live anymore. Even worse, the Hollows will be here soon and eat up their eyes!” she said, raising her voice after every sentence.
“Silly milly tilly, just create your own world. If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn’t be. And what it wouldn’t be, it would. Are you keeping up with me?”
“I’m sorry, is this the first story you got yourself into?” Miss Peregrine asked, removing the oxygen masks from the children.
“Oh, no, no, of course not. I’ve actually had a long journey, so right now I’m in the mood for a cup of tea. No, make that half of a cup. Would you like some more tea?”
“We’ve had nothing yet, so we can’t take more!” one of the children answered angrily.
“You mean you can’t take less. It’s very easy to take more than nothing.” Hatter answered.
“You’re a fool, that’s what you are...”
Hatter looked towards the boy who spoke. It was Jake, the one who came last with Miss Peregrine.
“You’re wrong, lad, I’m a wise fool. And what’s wrong with these Hollows you’ve mentioned? Are they Hollows hard to swallow?”
“You shouldn’t joke about such creatures! They’re monsters that constantly hunt peculiar children... like them.” Miss Peregrine answered, gathering the group of kids. “No reason to be happy about that, if I may say so.”
“Actually, there are many reasons to be happy about. It’s your unbirthday today, for example. You should totally organize a party for such an important event!”
“What’s the point in celebrating your ‘unbirthday’?”
“Babble jabber, wouldn’t you want to have a reason to celebrate every single day?”
Miss Peregrine opened her mouth to speak, but three gruesome Hollows distracted her. They were two times bigger than she remembered and looked more hideous than ever. “Jake, attack, now! No time to waste!” she shouted, taking care of the others.
“You’re getting ready for a game. That’s the spirit! It would be even more interesting if you had to identify which Hollow is real or not. More fun guaranteed! A dream is not a reality, but who’s to say which is which?”
Jake just ignored Hatter’s words and focused on the Hollows. He lifted the heavy arrow and aimed at the one in the middle. But surprisingly, the bow flew right through the Hollow and the monster disappeared into thin air.
“Just what I was talking about... You never know if it’s an illusion or not. Just follow the Hollow and swallow the sorrow!” Hatter said. His words always confused the characters and somehow managed to change the whole plot of the story. Following the usual routine, Hatter left Miss Peregrine and the peculiar children to distinguish dream from reality and went down through the same tunnel of time loops.
To his biggest surprise, he got back to his own story. He literally landed a few feet away from the table full of half empty (or half full) cups of tea and half-eaten scones and cupcakes. Hatter’s friends, Chess, Mallymkun and Thackery, were sitting in the same places as before. Hatter’s unexpected return startled them and eventually made them shed tears of joy. But Hatter was confused. “Curiouser and curiouser... I’m back to the place from where I started. You could say I created a new time loop... What if this journey of mine will go on and on?” he thought. He would have asked himself many more questions if he hadn’t observed someone coming towards their table. It was a girl with a big pile of messy hair and a medium-length blue dress. Hatter stood up, pushed his friends aside and greeted the guest. He looked at the girl from head to toe and wondered who she could be, but the tick-tock of the clock answered his question. That could only mean one thing: the time loop was over. That girl was no one else than Alice, the one who was destined to break the infinite and dreading loop.
“I’ve been told to come here, although I don’t know why. So, erm... How long till teatime?” Alice asked, smiling shyly.
Hatter smiled back. “You’re absolutely Alice. I’d know you anywhere, you wee boy. Come on, teatime has just begun.”
“No room! No room!” Thackery shouted, throwing spoons and forks in the air.
Time can be funny in stories. Mad Hatter was the first character to enter more than just one time loop. As time was flying, he got time all mixed up, but he managed to be right on time for teatime and have the time of his life alongside Alice… What an unusual adventure it had been! His whole journey made him realize that each story needed a touch of madness. But he also knew that his world was a place like no other. In order to survive in such a land full of wonder, mystery and danger, you need to be as mad as a hatter, that is the matter…
“How long till teatime?”
An unusual group of four friends sat at an unusually large table, chatting about unusual topics and laughing at unusual jokes. What an unusual time it was!
“Oh, Cheshire, you mutt… It’s always teatime here, you know that!” the dormouse, also known as Mallymkun, said, slowly shaking her head.
“Of course I know, I’m just teasing you. And I also know that I’m a cat, not a mutt!” Chess continued, showing off his large toothy smile.
“Mutt as incompetent, not as an animal, you stupid dog!” Mallymkun shouted, losing her temper.
Chess opened his mouth to protest once again, but he was immediately attacked by a flying spoon.
“Aye, and you’re always late, you wee puss!” the March Hare, or for short, Thackery, joined the discussion. He was an expert in throwing things around him uncontrollably, while he was trying to prepare the perfect peanut butter and jam sandwich.
“You know, I’ve always asked myself how soon is soon. Is it now, is it later, is it never? I just can’t find the answer. Or maybe I can’t find the time to find the answer. Funny, isn’t it?” Mallymkun said, staring aimlessly.
“I find something else funnier. Time is flying and yet, we are always in the same damn place. Only the wee puss can come and leave at any time. Pass the scones, eh, will ye?” Thackery added spilling hot tea and dropping freshly made cupcakes.
“It seems like time is on my side. And for your information, I’m always right on time.” Chess purred, flying elegantly above his friends and stealing a cup of tea.
Although Thackery and Mallymkun were all over the place, being noisier than ever, it was still unusually quiet. Chess was the first one to notice that the atmosphere wasn’t mad enough.
“Now what is the matter with the hatter?” he asked, pointing towards Mad Hatter (the maddest of them all).
Hatter was sitting at the top of the table, fidgeting with one of his thimbles and muttering nonsense. When he heard the others calling him, he stood up and looked around, putting on a serious face. But he soon burst out laughing after seeing his friends’ startled faces.
“Oh, well, he’s back to being mad.” Thackery said and started his own maniac laugh.
“No, it’s about time we got more serious!” Hatter shouted, hitting the table with his fist and making the teacups clatter. “Your talk about time made me think about this time loop we got ourselves in.”
“Since when do you think? You never think!” came the stupendous answer from Mallymkun.
“No time for thinking! It’s easy as breezy to realize how boring teatime has become. What’s the point in drinking tea and eating scones all over again? I don’t know about you, but I’m leaving right now!” Hatter’s words brought up three loud gasps. Was it possible to leave a time loop? If so, where could he go?
“Hatter… You’re mad.” Chess said, exchanging worried glances with the others.
“I know I am, thank you very much.” Hatter answered.
“No, really, you’re beyond mad. You’ve never had problems with teatime. You’ve never thought of what it would be like out… there.” Chess continued, pointing straight ahead.
Hatter shook his head. “Remember Time’s words? You do? I don’t… Oh, wait, he said something about that wee little boy… Mmm-Alice?”
“Malice? Who are you trying to harm?” Mallymkun asked suspiciously.
“Alice, Alice, that dear boy… He’ll never come… It’s a waste of time…”
And so, the conversation went to a dead end. The three creatures tried to stop their mad companion from leaving, but there was no luck around the clock. The clock didn’t tick, everyone hoped it was a trick, but Hatter was slick, walking with no head flick. He took something from the table with no time to think and well, well, what a great pick: a cup of tea.
“Fairfarren, all!” Hatter said and kept walking until he was surrounded by stripes of colors, which came at him out of nowhere and teleported him in the unknown. An ear-splitting noise made Chess, Mallymkun and Thackery shout with desperation. But for Hatter, that trip happened to be just a quick flick through the pages of the book, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. “Well, that’s curious. Is this Alice too busy to visit us? I bet a hat he has all the time in the world.” Hatter thought to himself, clicking his tongue in dismay.
There was a cold musty smell in the new place he had arrived. When Hatter opened his eyes, he noticed that he was in a rather peculiar living room, as the furniture was mainly made up of huge insects. The cockroach-sofa and the beetle-wardrobe were by far the most eye-catching objects in the room. The strings of spider web, which hang from the ceiling, made Hatter’s jaw drop. “Itsy bitsy, incy wincy spider… Itsy incy, bitsy wincy…” Hatter slowly sang to himself. He tiptoed towards the door, but the floor kept creaking under his feet. He gently turned the knob and was surprised to hear some voices coming from another room. At first he couldn’t make out how many people were talking. It was even harder to find out what their topic was about:
“If you want to stay, there’s only one little thing we’ll have to do... so you can stay here forever and always.”
“And then we’ll all be together as one big happy family. Forever and always.”
The following long pause made Hatter feel tense. Suddenly a horrified scream broke the deadly silence. The approaching footsteps made Hatter step aside from the door. He leaned himself against the wall and waited for the unexpected. A girl with short blue hair entered the room and shut the door behind her. “This didn’t have to happen. This didn’t have to happen. It’s impossible. No, no, no. Didn’t have to happen!” she told herself, running around the room with tears rolling down her cheeks. After the tantrum had ended, the girl finally noticed the unwelcome character. She stared at Hatter with huge eyes and slowly lifted her index finger, pointing at him and whispering: “You… You…”
Hatter could only give her a mad smile… and put on an epic show. After all, he needed to find a new place to live in and that story already seemed perfect enough for him.
“Yes, me, I must say I’ve appeared out of the blue. I also happen to see blue-haired girls like you once in a blue moon. You must be Coraline. I’ve heard about you. Now tell me, why are you feeling blue?”
The girl managed to spit out the following words as if they were venom: “This is all your fault! It’s the end of the world for me!”
“On the contrary, it’s only the beginning! I’ve just arrived here, thus fun will start soon.”
“No, don’t you understand? Your very own arrival has mixed up the whole story! I was in a time loop!”
“What a coincidence, I am coming from a time loop myself!” Hatter exclaimed, but Coraline just ignored him.
“I came here, to my ‘other’ mother and father, only for the sweet pleasure of having more understanding parents. My real ones never buy me whatever I want, they don’t listen to me, they prepare disgusting meals… But here… I’ve had everything. Beautiful clothes, heavenly-made food, infinite fun… I knew my ‘other’ parents had a dark side, but that didn’t stop me from coming to them. Because I had this time loop, which protected me from the moment I had always dreaded. But now the moment is here, it’s happening and I don’t know what to do!”
“Other parents, you say? I wonder what it would be like if there was another version of myself. How would I look? How would I talk? Would I still drink tea?”
“Here I am, one step closer to death and you’re talking about tea!” Coraline shouted with exasperation.
“It all starts with tea…” Hatter replied dreamily.
“Of course tea starts with T! Enough with this gibberish talk!”
“Are you still called Coraline in the other world? Or is it Caroline?”
The conversation couldn’t go any further as a vicious creature entered the room. It was Coraline’s other mother, but in the form of a spider. Her long, spiky legs went tip-tap on the wooden floor and her cruel smirk made one’s heart beat faster than ever.
“Coraline, Coraline… Why won’t you let me sew these buttons on your eyes?” she asked, swinging her needle and thread gently, as if she wanted to hypnotize the girl.
“I beg your pardon, but why sew buttons over your eyes when you can cover your head with a special hat? For instance, you have a regrettably small head, but I would very much like to hat it. Spiders tend to be rather fashionable.” Hatter said, approaching the other mother, already thinking what type of hat would best suit her.
“I’ve always thought what it would be like to have more than just one… victim. You two can be my little ‘dolls’ forever…” the spider continued, moving towards Hatter.
“Well, that’s really funny, because forever can sometimes last only one second.” Hatter replied with a merry tone.
Just after a second, the whole world stopped dead. It was only a matter of time until the house began to detach itself into countless parts. Hatter knew that the story was coming to an end, so he made his way out of it, thinking about whether Coraline and the other mother would eventually go on a never-ending chase…
As his mind filled up with curious thoughts, Hatter found himself falling down through a dark tunnel, towards another story… Perhaps another time loop? Although there was no one else with him, Hatter kept hearing soothing whispers, which said Potter all over again. “Could it really be a potter? Who makes pots? Hats and pots, pots and hats, I dare say it’s a brilliant combination!”
Hatter was soon surrounded by a lot of young students, some running in all directions, others braver enough to fight against their enemy. Hatter didn’t know who the villain was, but he was not even interested in finding out. What caught his attention were the students’ wands and their unintelligible incantations. For no reason whatsoever, Hatter only wanted to do a little dance in the middle of the battle and shout, “Oh, what fun, oh, what joy”. He would have done that if he hadn’t been put down by a wicked spell. He looked around and saw a boy and a girl, who gave him long angry glances.
“I’m positively sure that he’s the one who broke the time loop. He must be one of Lord Voldemort’s Death Eaters…” said the intelligent girl, commonly known as Hermione Granger.
“Wearing colorful clothes… It’s just the perfect disguise! What makes me even angrier is that he has more style than I do. Just look at his jacket, or his hat! Mom would never buy me one like his!” protested the boy, who answered to the name of Ron Weasley.
“Goodness me, you two seem to be just the right people to answer the following question: why is a raven like a writing desk?” Hatter replied, standing up and opening his arms as to hug the children.
“Stay away! There’s no need to pretend that you’re somebody else. We already know who you truly are and we demand some explanations. I suppose you are aware of what you did. You destroyed the time loop and brought war to Hogwarts. Everything will be destroyed and who knows what might happen to poor Harry… He was totally not prepared for this battle!” Hermione continued, trying not to burst into tears.
“My lady, the battle can wait and we could all have a cup of tea. And here’s a tip, be much braver, be much stronger! Try to be much more muchier. Or have you lost your muchness?”
Hatter’s piece of advice clearly didn’t have a good response. Hermione and Ron looked at each other uneasily. All they could think of was what they should do with that mysterious Death Eater…
“When I arrived here, I hoped I would meet the potter boy. My hats would perfectly match his pots. Could you be so kind and tell me where he is? Our business would surely be a huge success and you could be our first customers. Isn’t this exciting?”
“What is the matter with you? Stop with this madness! And make sure you stay away from Harry!” Ron shouted, stomping his foot and showing off his punch so as to scare Hatter.
“I’m already far away, so I can’t be ‘farer’… And I myself don’t know what is the hatter with me, but one thing I’m sure of is that you’re as sane as I am. And that makes me oh, so glad and oh, so mad!”
Hatter’s joyful speech was suddenly interrupted by a series of high-pitched screams and some disturbing hissing sounds. The students all made way for Harry and Lord Voldemort, who were constantly attacking each other with a variety of powerful spells. Hatter couldn’t help, but snigger. The potter boy was covered in blood and sweat, his torn clothes looked shabby on him and he was huffing and puffing, clearly having no time for laughing. As for the other wizard, Hatter thought he would look much scarier if he had a proper nose. His loud giggles distracted Lord Voldemort, who immediately turned his head towards the “intruder”.
“Can someone get this lunatic out of here? I’m getting closer to victory and I need to fully concentrate on my dearest boy, Harry Potter.”
“Excuse me, I don’t wish to alarm you, but it smells as though you’ve dropped your nose somewhere.” Hatter declared. The whole room roared with laughter at his silly joke.
“Such behavior only deserves certain death.” Lord Voldemort continued, lifting his right hand in order to cast the daunting spell.
“Of course, of course, right away, but first I would like to invite you to a little dance. What is a war without a nice festivity? You and I shall Futterwacken… vigorously!”
The following moment, all the witches and wizards started Hatter’s insane dance and couldn’t control their movements, as if they were under his spell. It was a hilarious sight: legs tapping the floor, hands trembling wildly and detached heads spinning uncontrollably above the bodies. Nobody expected the vicious battle to turn into a spot-on comedy show…
After a while, Hatter got bored of watching the repeated dancing moves, so he dashed out of the grand school of witchcraft and wizardry and got himself into another tunnel. He actually enjoyed going from a time loop to another and bring his madness in the stories.
It was raining. Heavy raindrops poured over Hatter’s face and a soft wind blew in his messed-up hair. Hatter was quite pleased with the weather and he started skipping on the wet slippery grass, heading towards the curious house in front of him, which was all lighted up. He barely noticed the airplanes flying above him. He only stopped dead in his tracks when a bomb fell out of an airplane and landed on the house. The big explosion was soon followed by some distant screams. Hatter began to run aimlessly and came across a group of small children, who severely bumped into him. They all wore oxygen masks, making their screams sound slightly muffled. Hatter found their alien-like appearance amusing, so he kept laughing until two other characters appeared.
“Miss Peregrine,” said the voice of a young boy, “what happened? You said you had been in this time loop for years! Why did it stop?”
“I don’t know, Jake. Time loops usually end when a new character appears from another story. But such occasions happen rarely…” the so-called Miss Peregrine answered, breathing heavily. As soon as she spotted Hatter, she took off her oxygen mask, revealing a stupefied expression. “You’re not from around here…” whispered the woman.
“No, I’m not, and I must thank you for the way you greeted me. That explosion was simply delightful, just like a firework show. Hats off!” Hatter replied, bowing down.
For a few moments, nothing could be heard except for the raindrops that were hitting the ground. Some were rolling down Miss Peregrine’s cheeks and could easily be mistaken with her tears. “You don’t realize the danger you put us into, do you? These poor children have no place to live anymore. Even worse, the Hollows will be here soon and eat up their eyes!” she said, raising her voice after every sentence.
“Silly milly tilly, just create your own world. If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn’t be. And what it wouldn’t be, it would. Are you keeping up with me?”
“I’m sorry, is this the first story you got yourself into?” Miss Peregrine asked, removing the oxygen masks from the children.
“Oh, no, no, of course not. I’ve actually had a long journey, so right now I’m in the mood for a cup of tea. No, make that half of a cup. Would you like some more tea?”
“We’ve had nothing yet, so we can’t take more!” one of the children answered angrily.
“You mean you can’t take less. It’s very easy to take more than nothing.” Hatter answered.
“You’re a fool, that’s what you are...”
Hatter looked towards the boy who spoke. It was Jake, the one who came last with Miss Peregrine.
“You’re wrong, lad, I’m a wise fool. And what’s wrong with these Hollows you’ve mentioned? Are they Hollows hard to swallow?”
“You shouldn’t joke about such creatures! They’re monsters that constantly hunt peculiar children... like them.” Miss Peregrine answered, gathering the group of kids. “No reason to be happy about that, if I may say so.”
“Actually, there are many reasons to be happy about. It’s your unbirthday today, for example. You should totally organize a party for such an important event!”
“What’s the point in celebrating your ‘unbirthday’?”
“Babble jabber, wouldn’t you want to have a reason to celebrate every single day?”
Miss Peregrine opened her mouth to speak, but three gruesome Hollows distracted her. They were two times bigger than she remembered and looked more hideous than ever. “Jake, attack, now! No time to waste!” she shouted, taking care of the others.
“You’re getting ready for a game. That’s the spirit! It would be even more interesting if you had to identify which Hollow is real or not. More fun guaranteed! A dream is not a reality, but who’s to say which is which?”
Jake just ignored Hatter’s words and focused on the Hollows. He lifted the heavy arrow and aimed at the one in the middle. But surprisingly, the bow flew right through the Hollow and the monster disappeared into thin air.
“Just what I was talking about... You never know if it’s an illusion or not. Just follow the Hollow and swallow the sorrow!” Hatter said. His words always confused the characters and somehow managed to change the whole plot of the story. Following the usual routine, Hatter left Miss Peregrine and the peculiar children to distinguish dream from reality and went down through the same tunnel of time loops.
To his biggest surprise, he got back to his own story. He literally landed a few feet away from the table full of half empty (or half full) cups of tea and half-eaten scones and cupcakes. Hatter’s friends, Chess, Mallymkun and Thackery, were sitting in the same places as before. Hatter’s unexpected return startled them and eventually made them shed tears of joy. But Hatter was confused. “Curiouser and curiouser... I’m back to the place from where I started. You could say I created a new time loop... What if this journey of mine will go on and on?” he thought. He would have asked himself many more questions if he hadn’t observed someone coming towards their table. It was a girl with a big pile of messy hair and a medium-length blue dress. Hatter stood up, pushed his friends aside and greeted the guest. He looked at the girl from head to toe and wondered who she could be, but the tick-tock of the clock answered his question. That could only mean one thing: the time loop was over. That girl was no one else than Alice, the one who was destined to break the infinite and dreading loop.
“I’ve been told to come here, although I don’t know why. So, erm... How long till teatime?” Alice asked, smiling shyly.
Hatter smiled back. “You’re absolutely Alice. I’d know you anywhere, you wee boy. Come on, teatime has just begun.”
“No room! No room!” Thackery shouted, throwing spoons and forks in the air.
Time can be funny in stories. Mad Hatter was the first character to enter more than just one time loop. As time was flying, he got time all mixed up, but he managed to be right on time for teatime and have the time of his life alongside Alice… What an unusual adventure it had been! His whole journey made him realize that each story needed a touch of madness. But he also knew that his world was a place like no other. In order to survive in such a land full of wonder, mystery and danger, you need to be as mad as a hatter, that is the matter…
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